Episode Two: Something new

My teenage years were full of fun and heartache. First girlfriend. Parties. The usual stuff. Vanilla, but all new and exciting at that age. I was not aware of any kinky leanings, but then almost anything seemed kinky and forbidden. I had the same adolescence as everyone else. So let us move on to the twenties.

I had been good friends with Chris since early in secondary school. He had a good brain and we used to enjoy arguing about politics and the meaning of life. Later on we were members of a small group who started the school's debating society. As puberty kicked in the development of the obvious charms of the girls in our co-ed school turned our hormones into overdrive. Who would be the first to score? Who would be the first to try to score? Chris was one of our gang - he seemed just like the rest of us.

He lived in a village out of town; the bus service was poor and his family didn't have a car. This made his absence from school dances understandable at first. But I began to wonder...

We all left school and most of us left home. Chris went off to college in Leeds. We met for a drink at Christmas and exchanged the occasional note. A couple of us hitch-hiked over to Leeds to stay with him and another pal who had also ended up in Leeds. I slept on his floor in a hall of residence. It was then that he told me he was gay. He knew I was straight, but he also told me he had always fancied me. A small seed had been planted.

A couple of years after that we met up again in London. He contacted me because he had a job interview so I said he could crash at my place. I was between girlfriends at the time. I was sharing my first London flat with a college friend and we had two single beds in one bedroom. This worked out OK because my flat mate was really living with his girlfriend and only dropped by two or three times a week to pick up clothes.

This set the scene for my encounter with Chris. We spent the evening in our local pub - just a couple of drinks and catching up with events. We strolled back to the flat, had a coffee and prepared for bed. I had been thinking about Chris's gayness and was curious. And he knew I was. He had a fit, lean body, a firm jawline, cheeky grin and piercing eyes. Cliche looks that would have served him well with women, if he had been attracted to them. I kept thinking about what men do in bed together - anal sex. The thought sent chills through me. I was not ready for that.

He had told me he still fancied me. He also told me that guys didn't necessarily have to fuck. He was reeling me in and he knew it.

I turned the main light off, Chris stripped and got into bed. I undressed more slowly. My stomach was somewhere else. I was experiencing a weird combination of terror and intense arousal. My cock was twitching and sprang up as I removed my pants. My body was telling me something that my brain did not feel quite ready for. I slipped straight under the covers and moved my hand up to Chris's face.

His stubbly chin felt strange. We kissed and the strangeness began to subside. He was a good kisser. We moved closer and our hard cocks nudged together - a kind of friendly hello. It felt good and I began to relax. I was now eager to discover how another man's body would respond to me. I caressed his chest - it was an unfamiliar experience, moving my hand across firm ribs with no fleshy tits to fondle and nibble.

We broke off from our kiss and I moved my mouth down his body. I wanted to taste him. I licked a line along his downy stomach from navel to groin and nuzzled his cock. I slipped the glans into my mouth and swirled my tongue around. He moaned. He tasted salty and felt good in my mouth. My hand cupped his balls, tickled his perineum and I began to wank him into my mouth. Another cock like mine. It was familiar and forbidden at the same time. He moaned again as my ministrations had their desired effect. He throbbed and came in my mouth. I tasted, savoured and swallowed. I had crossed another barrier.

We rearranged ourselves and kissed again. He began to wank me with an instinctive expertise. I lay back and enjoyed. I came and we embraced again, the sticky semen glueing our stomachs together. Our cocks had subsided but it still seemed good to feel them nudge together.

It was to be a long time before I tasted a cock again...

Intermission: Heaven is in your mind

You will believe a man can fly

I went flying again last night
Over the rooftops in my P A I N
The pegs viciously bit my nipples
My cock twitched and throbbed
One touch from your switch on my cock or thighs would have taken me over the edge
My hands could have done it
But they did not
I am waiting for my Mistress
I know she will have ways of hurting me that I cannot even begin to imagine.


Do not stop

Do not stop if I scream or moan
My wordless sounds are are my tribute as you torture me
Soon the gag will obliterate even this reminder of my worthlessness
And only my terrified eyes will beg you to hit me again.


Craving

I crave pain from you
More than an orgasm
It is more intense
And only you can tell how long it will last.


Piss

My eager tongue probes your rosebud arsehole
Sliding into your rectum and spearing your soul
My cock lies twitching, ignored
Your warm piss flows over my face and into my mouth
As your fingers tweak and savage my desperate nipples

Episode One: Feeling good

As this is the first post, I should kick off by saying that this is the first chapter in an exploration into my journey into kink. I have taken a long time to get here and there have been interesting experiences along the way. I have decided to share some of them with you.

It is spring, moonless night in the small town, starless and bible-black, the cobblestreets silent and the hunched,courters'-and-rabbits' wood limping invisible down to thesloeblack, slow, black, crowblack, fishingboatbobbing sea.

Enough of that. Lets just say we start our journey in Wales. I must have been ten or eleven when I had my first orgasm and of course it was a memorable experience.

I had been having spontaneous erections for some time, like most boys, but had no idea what they were for or what I could do with them. I remember sitting in the bath one day, looking at my erection. I asked my Mother if all boys/men experienced this strange phenomenon.

"I don't know", she said, "I'll ask your Father".

A few days later she told me that yes, it had indeed happened to him as well. (She probably knew all along!)

Soon after that I learned about sex and how babies are made. The reason for the erection then became apparent. I began to wonder at my Mother's naivety.

Some time later I was lying in bed, on my back, nursing my spontaneous erection and thinking about hospitals. I imagined that I was about to undergo a medical procedure. I therefore unbuttoned my pyjama jacket, exposing my chest and rolled down the trousers to my knees. I then felt deliciously vulnerable and exposed. In my mind's eye I could see a cluster of doctors and nurses around the bed, getting ready to do whatever it was they had to do. My erection quietly pointed upwards.

For some reason I began to raise the sheets and blankets from my body and let them slowly fall. The tent of air I created acted as a cushion and the sheets subsided slowly with a swoosh as they fell and brushed against my cock. I found this very pleasant, so I did it again. I repeated this action several times and was eventually surprised to feel my cock throb in a very exciting way.

I knew at once that this was an orgasm and I also knew instantly that I must be the first person in history to ever have one without a sexual partner being present. I knew that two people, a man and a women were required to make babies. And obviously orgasms could only happen when the man put his willy in the woman. My orgasm must be unique. I had done this by myself without a woman present. This was a momentous occasion.

I also knew that sperm came out of the penis at orgasm so I must have made some. I had no idea what sperm was like though. Where were they? My orgasm was completely dry. I did not even know that it should have been wet. I looked on my stomach, near my penis for evidence of the sperm. I found what appeared to be a small piece of fluff. I examined it carefully and placed it in my pyjama pocket. My first sperm! I must treasure it.

I moved on to discover many other interesting methods of masturbation and pretty soon real come appeared but I remained convinced for a long time that I was the only person who could do this. What if someone found out? What if everyone found out? There would be no more babies and the human race would die out. People would stay indoors all day and masturbate with no time for socialising. There would be no need for them to go anywhere. This could be a disaster. It was my duty to the human race to keep quiet about my discovery.

I now wonder whether the fact that my first orgasm was not accompanied by a conventional fantasy has had any bearing on my future sexual direction. Probably not, but who can say?