Episode One: Feeling good

As this is the first post, I should kick off by saying that this is the first chapter in an exploration into my journey into kink. I have taken a long time to get here and there have been interesting experiences along the way. I have decided to share some of them with you.

It is spring, moonless night in the small town, starless and bible-black, the cobblestreets silent and the hunched,courters'-and-rabbits' wood limping invisible down to thesloeblack, slow, black, crowblack, fishingboatbobbing sea.

Enough of that. Lets just say we start our journey in Wales. I must have been ten or eleven when I had my first orgasm and of course it was a memorable experience.

I had been having spontaneous erections for some time, like most boys, but had no idea what they were for or what I could do with them. I remember sitting in the bath one day, looking at my erection. I asked my Mother if all boys/men experienced this strange phenomenon.

"I don't know", she said, "I'll ask your Father".

A few days later she told me that yes, it had indeed happened to him as well. (She probably knew all along!)

Soon after that I learned about sex and how babies are made. The reason for the erection then became apparent. I began to wonder at my Mother's naivety.

Some time later I was lying in bed, on my back, nursing my spontaneous erection and thinking about hospitals. I imagined that I was about to undergo a medical procedure. I therefore unbuttoned my pyjama jacket, exposing my chest and rolled down the trousers to my knees. I then felt deliciously vulnerable and exposed. In my mind's eye I could see a cluster of doctors and nurses around the bed, getting ready to do whatever it was they had to do. My erection quietly pointed upwards.

For some reason I began to raise the sheets and blankets from my body and let them slowly fall. The tent of air I created acted as a cushion and the sheets subsided slowly with a swoosh as they fell and brushed against my cock. I found this very pleasant, so I did it again. I repeated this action several times and was eventually surprised to feel my cock throb in a very exciting way.

I knew at once that this was an orgasm and I also knew instantly that I must be the first person in history to ever have one without a sexual partner being present. I knew that two people, a man and a women were required to make babies. And obviously orgasms could only happen when the man put his willy in the woman. My orgasm must be unique. I had done this by myself without a woman present. This was a momentous occasion.

I also knew that sperm came out of the penis at orgasm so I must have made some. I had no idea what sperm was like though. Where were they? My orgasm was completely dry. I did not even know that it should have been wet. I looked on my stomach, near my penis for evidence of the sperm. I found what appeared to be a small piece of fluff. I examined it carefully and placed it in my pyjama pocket. My first sperm! I must treasure it.

I moved on to discover many other interesting methods of masturbation and pretty soon real come appeared but I remained convinced for a long time that I was the only person who could do this. What if someone found out? What if everyone found out? There would be no more babies and the human race would die out. People would stay indoors all day and masturbate with no time for socialising. There would be no need for them to go anywhere. This could be a disaster. It was my duty to the human race to keep quiet about my discovery.

I now wonder whether the fact that my first orgasm was not accompanied by a conventional fantasy has had any bearing on my future sexual direction. Probably not, but who can say?