Episode ten: (Sometimes I feel so) uninspired

Chloe again. She is mischievous today; definitely has a twinkle in her eye. We sit on the bed. We kiss and talk about what we are going to do. What she is going to do.

The bed is a four poster with top rails on all sides. This is useful.

“Take off your shoes and socks. I will be back in a moment.”

I do so. Chloe returns with an array of floggers and a paddle, rope, cuffs and a spreader bar. She throws them on the bed.

“Lean against the bed.”

She presses into me from behind, leans around, kisses me hard. Our tongues meet and we nibble them as they writhe together. She slides a hand onto my cock, over my trousers. The hand moves up and she begins to unfasten my belt and buttons. The zip goes down and my cock and balls are fondled again as I begin to harden.

The trousers slide down my legs and I step out of them.

“Fold them and come back here.”

I return, face the bed again and my pants are yanked down, kicked off, and thrown to the side. I am now wearing only an open neck shirt. Vulnerability is increasing. The first slap falls.

“Spread your legs and don’t move.”

The spreader bar is placed on the floor and my feet are cuffed and fastened to it.

Chloe stands and steps back to admire her handiwork. She lifts the shirt-tail and slides a hand up my back and round to my chest, teasing and fondling. She tweaks a nipple, bites my shoulder and kisses me again as I turn my head.

Shirt buttons are slowly unfastened, one by one. She removes the shirt and discards it.

“Raise your arm.”

After some fumbling one wrist is cuffed and attached to the top of the bed frame, followed by the other. I am now deliciously immobilised and I know the real work is about to begin.

For several minutes I am subjected to a range of implements, both thuddy and stingy. I prefer thuddy. At one point I come close to asking her to stop, the repetitive stinging is almost more than I can bear. I trust her and know she is not harming me, so I grit my teeth and remain silent.

“Enough”, she says. I am unfastened and kissed. My arms surround her. She moves away and undresses.

We arrange ourselves on the bed and I move down to tease her cunt with my tongue. She soon says, ‘Stop – fuck me now’, and I move over her and enter. I am hard enough but not super hard. She moans and urges me on. My sensitivity is not quite right and my arousal does not increase though Chloe seems to be enjoying herself.

I come out and she reaches for my cock, moves down and slides her mouth around it. She is good at this but I begin to realise that I am not going to come. I pull her up the bed and hold and kiss her while her hand continues to fondle me.

“I don’t think I’m going to come”, I say. “It’s OK.”
With Chloe, even the act of not coming is alright. It is just one of those things. No one’s fault. I know next time will be different. Perhaps flogging is not for me? I will think about next time and we may try a different approach.

Intermission: Many a mile to freedom

Chronology and philosophy

I am living through interesting times at the moment. Full blog service should be restored soon. I plan to see Chloe next week and will relate our adventures afterwards.

Meanwhile, a word about chronology and other things. The events appearing in this blog are my recollections of real happenings. Names and locations may be changed and conversations and activities cannot be precisely remembered but there is an essential truth at the core of every episode here and that satisfies me. What I say happened, happened. Even amusing details are true.

Some of these events took place a very long time ago; others this year. Episodes one to four are in order. Episodes five and six should be transposed. Episode nine should be placed between seven and eight.

Episode eight was written and posted the day after the events described so is closest to reality and still seems fresh.

Forthcoming episodes will record events earlier this year with Laura. While my trajectory now seems obvious, it was Laura who made me understand that kink is not just something I am attracted to, it is who I am. It is the difference between standing outside, looking through the window and being in the room and feeling as if you belong. It means not feeling guilty because you have a sex drive and impulses that may not be understood by everyone. This discovery has had massive implications for me and I am still working through them.

Domination and submission go to the very core of our personalities and what we are as human beings. Yes, this is about sex, but mostly it is about connecting with other people in far deeper, more fulfilling and maybe even more frightening ways than many are prepared to do. It requires inner self-confidence and a trust in partners that pushes boundaries. It demands total selflessness and a willingness to surrender completely. It is a journey I am just beginning. It is simultaneously terrifying and something I am eager to embrace with every cell in my body.

You will never realise your best destiny through the avoidance of fear.

Episode Nine: No face, no name and no number

I ventured on to Craigslist once. It is a silly place. Full of chancers, jokers and fantasists. One ad in the ‘casual encounters – women for men’ section caught my eye:

“I always know what I want and I fancy pushing my sexual boundaries further. I am 5ft7, dark shoulder length hair, brown eyes, sporty figure, pretty face and I love having sex. I have submissive fantasies and would like to meet a sensitive but firm older man who will persuade me to act them out. Looking for someone reliable but clean and uncomplicated, no strings, a drink, find out if the chemistry works, then some fun. Central London.”

I thought this could be worth a punt. Nothing ventured and all that.

We began to exchange emails. This was encouraging. She was coherent, intelligent, knew how to write and seemed to know what she wanted.

I suggested we meet for a preliminary drink. We agreed on a time and a central London mainline station. I went there. She never showed. “Problems at work”, apparently. We arranged another date.

Meanwhile, she was interested in teasing out my interpretation of the kind of activities we might pursue in a sub/dom encounter. What would I do? What would I expect her to do? I replied in broad generalities and she pressed for more detail. I prepared a written scenario but I was beginning to smell a rat. I did not send it. I suspected I was being set up as a free porn writer. I insisted that we meet, to ‘test the chemistry’.

She agreed and suggested we exchange mobile phone numbers in case of further appointment problems. I sent her mine but never got hers. I went along for the second meeting and of course she never showed.

This time there was no doubt – I was being played with.

A couple of days later my mobile rang. It was an unknown number. I answered.

A man said, “Hello”,

“Hello, who is this?”

He hung up.

I googled the number.

It was a golf club in Surrey.

I still have the scenario. It is not bad for a first attempt. I will share it with you.

Interestingly, in the light of debate on the subject of subs ‘topping from the bottom’, it includes a section on a dom ‘bottoming from the top’.

The scenario

Ground rules

You will have a safe word e.g. ‘red'. When you say this any activity will stop.

When we are in the ‘area of operations’ you will obey me without question and answer ‘yes Master’ when I ask you to do something. (If you use the safeword, the scene stops.)

You will prepare yourself for a session in accordance with previously issued instructions.

Scenario

You will prepare for this session by freshly shaving/waxing your pubic/genital area completely. You will wear a loose, dark skirt and smart casual daywear, stockings/hold-ups optional, with hair down. Knickers will be removed (discreetly) before entering the area of operations.

On entering the area and closing and securing the door, you will stand with legs apart. I may kiss you and feel you up under your skirt. You will then raise your skirt so that I can examine you. I will kneel and kiss your pubis and say, ‘Your pussy is now mine to do with as I wish’. You will then say, ‘My pussy is yours to do with as you wish, Master’.

You will then turn around and raise your skirt again. I will kiss each buttock in turn and say, ‘Your buttocks are mine to do with as I wish’. You will then say, ‘My buttocks are yours to do with as you wish, Master’. You will then lean forward and part your cheeks, revealing your arsehole. I will kiss your arsehole and say, ‘Your arsehole is mine to do with as I wish’. You will then say, ‘My arsehole is yours to do with as you wish, Master’.

I will place a chair at the foot of the bed, sit down and watch as you slowly undress. When your breasts are exposed you will offer me each nipple in turn. I will kiss and nibble them and say, ‘Your breasts are mine to do with as I wish’. You will reply, ’My breasts are yours to do with as you wish, Master’.

You will begin to fondle and caress your breasts, slowly moving your hands down to your cunt. You will make yourself comfortable on the bed, spread your legs wide and continue to pleasure yourself. You may use any toys you have brought with you. You will feel under no pressure or time constraint. You may come. You will say, ‘Thank you Master for allowing me to come and for watching me’.

You will rise from the bed and approach me. You will undress me slowly and carefully and pay particular attention to caressing my cock, balls, perineum and arsehole when I am nude.

I will apply a blindfold to you and lead you to the bed. You will lie down and receive my caresses. You may be permitted to suck my cock and lick my balls, perineum and arsehole. When I am acceptably aroused I will ask you to turn on your front and present your arse to me, raising it from the bed. I will say, ‘I am going to spank you twenty times to heighten your arousal and make you ready to accept my gift’. You will say ’Please spank me twenty times, Master. I want you to heighten my arousal. I want to receive your gift’.

I will spank your buttocks and thighs, creating a warm, stinging sensation and heightening your arousal. When I have finished you will say, ‘Thank you Master, I am now ready to receive your gift’.

I will say, ‘I am going to fuck you in the arse’. You will say, ‘I am ready Master, please fuck me in the arse’. I will lube your arse and my cock, after first putting on a condom, and will slowly and gently but firmly enter your arse. You will not move while I fuck you and I will come.

You will say, ‘Thank you for your gift Master. I am pleased to have served you. I am honoured to have accepted your cock and satisfied you with my arsehole’.

I will remove my cock, dispose of the condom and wipe you.

You will say, ‘How may I serve you now Master?’. I will say, ‘Please turn over and spread your legs’. I will apply nipple clamps to your breasts and pleasure you with my mouth and hands. During this experience you will remain passive with your arms reaching towards the top corners of the bed, as if restrained. You may come. After you have come, you will say, ‘Thank you Master for pleasuring me’.

I will remove your blindfold and the nipple clamps.

I will ask you to accompany me to the shower.

In the shower you will soap and wash me, paying particular attention to my cock, balls, perineum and arsehole. I will soap and wash you, paying particular attention to your breasts, pussy and arsehole.

We will exit the shower and dry each other. I will ask you to lie on the bed and I will join you. We will kiss and caress each other, taking time to stimulate and arouse every part of our bodies.

I will turn onto my stomach, raise my buttocks and ask you to prepare my arse for penetration. You will lube my arse, perineum, balls and cock and slowly wank my cock while teasing and stroking my perineum, balls and arse. You will slowly introduce a dildo into my arse and fuck me with it while teasing my cock to orgasm with your other hand. When I have come you will remove the dildo, clean up and say, ‘Thank you for allowing me to fuck your arse, Master’.

I will turn on to my back and ask you to sit astride me, facing my feet, and lower your cunt to my mouth. I will pleasure you with my mouth and hands while you squeeze and fondle your breasts and clit.

We will then lie together for a period of rest and recuperation. You may ask me to apply lube to your arse and I may penetrate you again with my fingers. You may rub your pussy against my leg while I am doing this. I may permit you to come again.

You will say, ‘Thank you for penetrating me again Master and thank you for permitting me to come’.

If I desire further stimulation I may ask you to kiss and caress me to orgasm again. You will be allowed to choose where my orgasm takes place i.e. in your cunt, your arse, over your breasts or in your mouth.

You will then clean up, clean me and we will dress and prepare to leave. Before leaving the room you will again lift your dress and allow me to kiss your intimate parts as I did earlier. You will thank me for attending to your needs, “Thank you for attending to my sexual needs Master; thank you for penetrating me, satisfying me and for watching me as I achieved orgasm.”

Intermission: Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

I am intrigued by the concept of androids. My ideal subs should adopt the mindset of an android that has been created specifically to respond unquestioningly to the wishes and commands of the dom(me). This is also the usual mindset I adopt myself when in sub mode.

Mr Fantasy’s Top Ten Subby things to do list.

(Some items could be combined in one session. Double yum!)

1. Male threesome. We would be ordered to do some interesting things to each other by some hot women. Would include being fucked anally and in the mouth at the same time.

2. Being fisted. This may not be fully possible but would like to see how far I can go. (Four fingers so far.)

3. A lengthy session with a woman with a strap-on who really knows how to use it. I would be restrained and on my back. She would be able to play with my cock while fucking me.

4. Further adventures with the inflatable butt plug. This is a very appealing toy.

5. Being restrained standing up, arms above head and flogged simultaneously on the chest and buttocks by two hot women in bikinis. I can’t get the image out of my head.

6. Needle play. Particularly around areolae and in cock/genital area, but hey, this is all new to me so an experienced partner would know what to do and where else to do it.

7. Wear tight nipple clamps and ask a partner to squeeze them even tighter when I orgasm whilst fucking.

8. Restrained on back, partner to whip penis and inner thighs until orgasm achieved. Don’t know if this could work but would be fun to try.

9. Increase the emphasis on ritual during a scene. Strip and kneel to start. Domme to quietly insist on respect, obedience and use of appropriate title. Maintain formal interaction throughout. Sub to request punishment and thank Domme as each punishment is completed.

10. Water sports. At the end of a session, sub to lie on the bed, unrestrained. Domme to kneel astride sub’s head, lower cunt to his mouth and slowly, with pauses, piss directly into mouth. He will swallow and thank her afterwards, without spilling a drop. (OK, I nicked this one, but it is sooo hot.)


Mr Fantasy’s Top Ten Dommy things to do list.

(Android submissive mentality assumed.)

1. MMF threesome. The female sub to be comprehensively flogged and serviced in all orifices. To include simultaneous anal & vaginal penetration. I want to feel another cock moving with mine in unison with only a thin living barrier separating them.

2. Flogging session. Ideally with an experienced teacher/guide present.

3. Oil wrestling. Two hot nude women. Winner forces the loser to come. Nuff said.

4. Fist two women at the same time. (Fisting one would be a start.)

5. Scene to include slapping cunt and tits, nipple torture, cunt torture with clamps etc.

6. Two women androids - forced bi scene inc. tribbing.

7. Water sports – variation on subbie list item 10.

8. Organise gang bang. Willing sub to be restrained and fucked by as many men as possible. Women with strap-ons may also apply.

9. Mummification scene. Sub completely wrapped except for exposed orifices. Stimulation to include inflatable butt plug.

10. Maximum sensory deprivation. Tie spreadeagled, add gag + hood + ear covers. Experiment with a range of sensations including fur, brushes, ice, clamps and stingy implements. To include tease and deny clit stimulation.

Intermission: Hope I never find me there

Please pause and take a look at Jefferson's blog - One Life, Take Two - on the 'Blogs I like' list to the right. He has been an inspiration and is one of the bloggers who turned me on to the possibilities of kink. He has touched many people in a positive way, both literally and online - a powerful force in the battle to overturn sexual repression.

Now he faces every parent's worst nightmare. His ex-partner wants to take away his children. Help him if you can.

Episode Eight: State of grace

Chloe was her usual self. First of all we went into the torture room and sat down for a chat. She is powerfully sexy even when she is just chatting. I feel horny just sitting opposite her. Eventually we worked out what we were going to do and moved next door to the bedroom.

We kissed. And when Chloe kisses you, you know you are being kissed. She kisses hard and sensuously. We held each other firmly and caressed. I gripped her head and held it to me. She rubbed me through my trousers. We were in no hurry to proceed. We had time.

She told me to undress. I did so. She kissed me again and stroked my hardness. I moved my hands beneath her dress and onto her arse. I moved the dress up. She paused and grasped it and pulled it over her head. My hands moved to her breasts, caressing and teasing the nipples through her bra. The bra had to go. I slid my hands round her back and slipped the fastenings apart. I could now treasure her more than ample charms. I leant down and took one nipple in my mouth. She moaned and moved a hand down to my arse and slapped it twice. I reciprocated and the sound of healthy stinging slaps echoed round the room.

“Get on the bed.”

I got on the bed, sideways, face down, with my bum sticking out.

The slapping continued, combined with teasing and tickling around the cock, balls and perineum. I squirmed.

“Would you like to be tied up?”

“Yes.”

Chloe moved the pillows from the head of the bed and made a pile half way down.

“Lie on those. I want to see your bum sticking right up.”

I complied. My erection was hard underneath me. I was unsure whether to press it against my stomach or slide my cock between the pillows and the mattress. I did the latter. It felt good. My sense of anticipation was mounting.

Chloe had slipped out of the room and now returned with a collection of chains, ropes and cuffs.

“Spread your legs.”

I did so.

“Looks lovely.”

She gave me a playful slap.

Chloe took each leg in turn and cuffed and fastened my ankles to the corners of the bed.

She climbed on, twisted my head and kissed me fiercely.

“Now for your hands.”

She cuffed my wrists and fastened them to the metal uprights on the bedhead. I was enjoying this.

She sat between my legs and resumed her stroking and teasing activities. My cock became even harder and I wriggled my arse and twisted my torso.

“I love it when you do that. I can see all your muscles in your back writhing and twitching.”

“I’m going to give you twelve fast, hard spanks, OK?”

“Yes, please”

The smacks were arousing rather than painful.

“I think you’re ready now. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to fist me.”

“Say that again, louder.”

“I want you to fist me, please.”

“Are you sure.”

“Yes, please fist me.”

“OK.”

I heard the sounds of gloves being applied and lube being opened.

She slathered the lube up and down my crack and tickled me some more.

I pushed myself back onto her hand.

“Good boy.”

I felt a finger go in. I relaxed and pushed up. It moved easily.

“OK, I’m going up to two fingers.”

She did so.

“Now three.”

Chloe now began to push harder and twist her fingers. I relaxed and opened further. I could feel a throbbing in the prostate as she continued to massage it. I did not come but the feeling was unreal. I could feel myself moaning and slipping away.

The fingers slid out. I could feel more lube being applied.

“I’m going to try four.”

I pushed myself back onto her hand. The fingers slid in.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a competition. We’ll just go up as far as we can.”

The sensation was intense. Not painful, just intense. Time stood still. I moaned again. I don’t know how long her fingers stayed inside, pushing and twisting.

“Good boy. I’m coming out now.”

The fingers slid out and I could feel tissues cleaning me up.

Chloe climbed on top of me and kissed me hard, again.

“That was fantastic. You were so cool and relaxed. What shall we do now?”

“Would you like me to fuck you, to finish things off?”

“Yes please.”

I was unfastened and I turned over. I moved the pillows back. We kissed and fondled each other again.

My cock was semi-hard and felt less sensitive than earlier.

“I don’t think I came then. Did you see anything?”

“I don’t think so. You can orgasm without ejaculating though. I mean some men can orgasm without ejaculating.”

I was kneeling on the bed.

Chloe slid under me, grasped my cock, slipped a condom over it and took it in her mouth. I leaned over her and moved my head towards her cunt. I was able to lick up and down her labia and began to tease her clit with my tongue. It was her turn to wriggle.

I was ready. We rearranged ourselves. Chloe lay on the bed under me and guided me in. She was tight and I slipped in slowly.

My less sensitive cock was just what I needed. I fucked and fucked. Chloe came two or three times and made sure I knew it. She is not quiet when she comes. I started to wonder whether I was going to come at all. I psyched myself up. She was encouraging me. When it came, the orgasm was intense. I collapsed.

We cuddled and chatted for a while. We talked about floggers, paddles and canes. We spoke of leather and wood. Then I cleaned up and dressed. Chloe was still walking around nude when I left. She is very special.

I emailed her the next day:

“Next time I am going to have to ask you to push me harder on the pain front. I think you will enjoy that.”

Episode Seven: You can all join in

Chloe is special. She is always relaxed, always pleased to see you, puts you at ease straightaway. You can tell her anything and she understands. She is a real woman, no Kate Moss androgenousness for her, she is Rubenesque, "with an English Rose complexion", in her own words and, of course, a genuine love of all things sexy. Pretty in an unpretentious way, she is confident in her femininity and not afraid to use it. Her breasts are magnificent and she likes them to be savoured.

I had asked her whether she could fix up a threesome. She called to say she had obliged.

I rang the bell. She answered the door in a mid-length black dress, black stockings (not tights), and her usual come-hither smile. I slipped inside and followed her to the bedroom. We kissed hello and she placed a hand over my cock, cupping it through my trousers.

"Andy is next door", she said. "I'll fetch her in a minute. I've told her all about you."

She left the room and I took off my jacket, unfastened my tie and sat down to remove my shoes.

The door opened and in stepped Andy and Chloe, hand in hand. Andy was a complete contrast, slender, punkish, flat chested but unmistakeably a girl and with a direct piercing stare. It's always the eyes that get me. Her mousy hair was medium length and casual. She wore baggy combat trousers and a small T-shirt. A gothic tattoo protruded down one arm.

We shook hands. "Has Chloe told you I'm a sex fiend? I'm up for anything. God, I'm such a slut! Listen to me!"

"How about a kiss?" said Chloe.

We stood together, arms around each other and our lips met. The intermingling of our tongues was hot - three enthusiatic kissers working together. Movement in my trousers told me I liked it. I knew I could stand there just doing this for some time.

"Let's get these clothes off you", said Chloe. The girls proceeded to undress me and quickly encored by undressing each other.

"Andy, you get on the bed and let's see what we can do with you".

Andy complied. She lay back, arms stretched up and behind her, and grasped the bars at the head of the bed. Several other intriguing tattoos had now revealed themselves as well as a navel jewel. She opened her thighs and spread her legs wide, revealing a smooth, inviting cunt.

"Come and get me".

"You go first", said Chloe. "I'll come up behind you. I think you'll find that interesting."

I climbed on the bed between Andy's thighs. My tongue traced a line along one leg until I reached her cunt lips. I moved my arms upwards and grasped a nipple in each hand. She may have been flat chested but her nipples were award winning. They were already firm and welcomed the attention. She moaned.

I slowly licked her labia up and down, savouring the taste and teasing her. My tongue slid down her perineum and tickled her anus. My nose was pressing right into her cunt.

"What a sight. Gorgeous!"

Chloe was standing behind me at the end of the bed looking at my raised bum. She made no secret of her love for men's bottoms.

"I really should take a photograph for later", she said. "Let me at it."

I was now paying serious attention to Andy's cunt and my tongue began to swirl around her clit, up and down, round and round and vibrating on the spot.

She moved one hand to my head and pressed it down harder.

Meanwhile I felt Chloe's hand on my arse. She began to stroke her hand up and down my bum crack, tickling my arsehole and perineum. I wiggled it upwards.

"I think I'm going to have to spank you a bit," she said.

I was in no position to speak, but Andy answered for me; "Be my guest. You'll probably encourage him".

A few weeks earlier, Chloe had tested me with a little spanking. I had moved on from my wuss phase and was starting to embrace my inner sub.

Unknown to me, Chloe disappeared to the torture room next door and reappeared with a slappy leather spanker.

She began to spank my arse on alternate cheeks with one hand, quite softly to begin with. Meanwhile her other hand was underneath me, fondling my cock.

When she judged that everything was as it should be, she subsituted the spanker for her bare hand and resumed.

The stimulation was encouraging me to reinforce my efforts on Andy's cunt. She began to squirm and wriggle. I had one hand on her stomach as it began to vibrate. She came like a train, thrashing and throbbing and I could see her stomach muscles rippling as the orgasm overwhelmed her.

Chloe stopped the paddling and we all broke apart and fell on each other on the bed in a clump of sweaty, satisfied bodies.

"My turn, I think," said Chloe.

She directed a mutually satisfactory rearrangement of bodies. I lay on the bed, taking Andy's place; Andy sat on my face at the head of the bed, hanging on to the bars and Chloe sat on my painfully erect cock. The two girls were now able to kiss and fondle each other whilst I provided some genital stimulation. An orgasm for Chloe and me swiftly followed and Andy climbed off, rubbing her clit.

After a twenty minute cuddle and chat, we resumed our games. Andy enjoyed a missionary fuck and Chloe rubbed herself off against my leg as we lay in a post-coital haze. I remember thinking that there is no experience to equal having two women in bed, an arm around each one, as we lay together and caressed each other after enjoying a couple of healthy orgasms each. Too soon, it was time to wind up the session and clean up.

"God I am such a slut", reprised Andy. "You know, I could do that all over again."

Episode Six: Feelin' alright?

In the mid 1990s central London phone boxes were full of cards advertising the services of a variety of women (and a few men). ‘O’ levels, ‘A’ levels, ‘French lessons’ and ‘Strict Discipline’ were the order of the day. The cards were not illustrated in colour but most had line drawings of characters displaying their ample attributes and wearing skimpy clothing.

One particular card was different. It was in every box, every day. It was blue with the words ‘Nurse ****’ in large letters. There was a drawing of a woman in a nurse’s uniform and a phone number. Every day. I looked at the card. The next day there was another one just the same.

Nurse = medical play = my first ever fantasy. It was too much. I had to act.

I surreptitiously sneaked into a box and removed a card. I rubbed away the Blu-tak on the back and slipped it into my pocket. Back in the office, I phoned the number. I was told, “No appointment necessary”, was given an address and the rest was up to me.

A few days later I was outside a West End flat. I rang the bell and a maid opened the door straight into a large plush lounge. The ornamentation was elaborate and overdone. A sofa and easy chairs faced a coffee table and a television sat in the corner. I could have been in Golders Green. I was offered a drink.

“Nurse **** will be with you in a moment.”

The maid disappeared through another door.

I sat and waited for about ten minutes until it door opened again and a slightly harassed looking middle aged woman in a blue nurse’s uniform appeared.

She looked about forty five, or older, and judging by the lines on her face, was probably a smoker. Something about her reminded me of Miriam Karlin in the sixties sitcom, “The Rag Trade” (I kid you not). Not many people remember it now.

“Pleased to meet you.”

She sat down and we began to discuss the matter in hand. By now I had some experience with butt plugs so I though anal play was worth exploring further.

“Righty Ho, soon have you sorted out!”

Nurse **** disappeared for another ten minutes.

The maid reappeared from the kitchen, where she seemed to have been banished to answer the phone.

“Let me show you through.”

I was led into a small hallway, kitchen to the left, bathroom opposite and a large ‘scene room’ to the right. I entered. The room was blue, matching Nurse ****’s uniform. A horizontal bar ran along the opposite wall. There were mirrors dotted about and a trolley containing medical implements, gloves, lube and an interesting selection of dildos and butt plugs, was on the right.

Behind the door an examination table/couch sat beside the wall.

Nurse **** asked me to undress for the examination. I did so and was told to stand by the horizontal bar, stretch my arms to the side along the bar, spread my legs and bend over.

A hand separated my bum cheeks. A gloved finger was inserted into my anus. I remained still, merely thrusting my bum out slightly to welcome the finger.

“Fine, fine,” said the nurse, “You are obviously a born submissive!”

“Come and climb on the couch.”

I did so.

“Not like that, on your front, bum in the air, right up now, that’s better, now hold it still, I’ll be right back.”

Nurse **** disappeared for five minutes.

It seemed longer than five minutes.

If you were crouching on a couch with your bum in the air, feeling like a twat, it would feel longer than five minutes to you, too.

(Of course, I did not realise at the time that the next punter, waiting in the lounge next door, was then receiving his introductory chat.)

Nurse reappeared.

“Sorry about that, now let’s sort out a plug for you. Have a look over here.”

She wheeled the trolley across. The plugs and dildos ranged from inadequate to impossible. She was certainly well supplied. I indicated one that was about the size I was used to. She picked it up.

“Right, back in position, letzbe avenue.”

I stuck my bum up again.

Without further ado, Nurse **** stuffed the plug into my arse. Lube was obviously something she considered an unnecessary option.

I yelped and leapt in the air.

“You feelin’ alright? I thought you said you could take that”, she said.

“It depends how you do it”, I replied.

Nurse **** removed the plug. It felt a lot better coming out than it had felt going in.

“Never mind, let’s fuck anyway.”

I rubbed my sore bum while Nurse **** removed her knickers (that was all she removed) and applied some lube to her cunt. Her own comfort was clearly more important than the client’s.

She picked up a condom and rolled it over my cock. Surprisingly I was still ready for action. She lay on the couch and indicated that I should climb on.

I attempted to commence congress.

Either her anatomy was unusual or our bodies were not optimally placed on the couch.

“What are you doing? That’s not my cunt. Where on earth are you trying to get into?

She manually introduced my member to the right hole. Climax was achieved.

In a flash, Nurse **** was up and off the couch. Knickers were swiftly replaced.

“Lovely to meet you. Get dressed and the maid will see you out.”

I dressed hurriedly, not wishing to hang around longer than necessary. I poked my head out of the door. There was no one around. Where was the maid?

I slipped out into the hall and opened the door to the lounge and re-entered it, on my way back to the front door.

Nurse **** was sitting in an armchair talking to the next punter. They both looked up at me, aghast.

“What are you doing here. Where’s the maid? You’re not supposed to come this way. Go into the kitchen, she will show you out.”

I was shooed away. The door closed.

The maid reappeared looking guilty. She led me to the kitchen and opened the back door. I stepped out into a cobbled mews/backyard area. Fifty yards away the road was visible and cars were passing by.

The sun was shining. My bottom was still feeling quite sore. I strolled away past overflowing dustbins and boxes.

Intermission: Cryin’ to be heard

Poem for an online friend

I am standing immobile
No movement is possible

My legs are fixed apart
I am deliciously vulnerable

My arms are spread wide
There is no defence

My mouth is gagged
Wordless sounds are all I have

My head is hooded
You are here, but where?

My breasts throb
Soon the pain will start again

The flogger swipes my thighs and I moan
Your calm words soothe me

A switch curls up and catches my cunt from behind
I am a good girl

Episode Five: Empty pages

Pain had always been a problem. Didn’t like it. I was a total wuss. On the other hand I was becoming increasingly obsessed by mistresses, sorry Mistresses – that’s better. It all seemed simple. Find one on the internet: google ‘Mistresses’ and away you go.

But what to do about the pain thing? Well, Mistresses do things to you and it doesn’t necessarily have to involve pain. It can be about domination and submission, bondage, teasing. This is intriguing stuff. I was determined to have some.

I checked a few web sites. Some were intimidating; some were terrifying; others merely expensive. In true Goldilocks fashion I eventually determined on one that seemed just right:

Accessible – i.e. not too far away,
French – has to be a plus – French women are so sexy n’est pas?
Affordable – yes,
Testimonials – yes, good ones – she obviously knew her stuff.

I duly arranged my appointment. Bought a ‘gift’ (sexy white lace knickers – Mistresses like gifts, apparently) and turned up at the agreed time.

Mistress lived in a modest, modern apartment block, within easy reach of the North Circular Road. I walked briskly up the drive and followed a path round the side of the building to the main door. I rang the bell. My feelings of anxiety and anticipation mounted as I was buzzed in.

Mistress was not intimidating; on the contrary, she seemed almost unassuming, not very commanding and with a demeanour that definitely did not inspire subservience. Never mind, I was here now, so better make the most of it.

At least she was French so that was a start. She thanked me for the gift, we took care of the financial arrangements and she bade me get undressed, which I did. She had seemed disappointed when I intimated that spanking was not to be on the agenda.

Mistress then insisted on accompanying me to the bathroom where I was instructed to stand in the bath and wash my interesting bits with a shower spray. Was this required for reasons of hygiene? (I was clean already and I knew that fucking Mistress was not permitted.) Or was it an introduction to ‘doing as one is told’, adopting the correct demeanour and assuming an appropriate mental state?

Probably the latter, I surmised. Standing in a bath washing your cock with a shower spray while a bored, slightly sniffy woman watches you, is not a sexy experience. I dried myself and followed her back to the lounge/scene room.

Now we were going to start the real stuff; whatever that was to be. Mistress seemed to be slightly at a loss – perhaps because spanking was not scheduled. Maybe spanking was her big thing. Maybe it was her only thing. Fuck – what was I doing here?

I was instructed to lie on the floor. Mistress walked about and poked me here and there with her shoe, muttering to herself in French. She prodded my cock a bit, but this had no effect. She was wearing a long black simple shift dress; it almost reached the floor. Black pointy heeled bootees emerged from it. The dress emphasised her flat chest. I am not a boob man, but some evidence of secondary sexual characteristics would have been welcome relief. Mistress continued to pace the room, looking unsexy and bored. My neglected cock remained flaccid. In my slightly pathetic naked state, I was beginning to feel cold.

Then she had an idea.

“Slave would like to worship Mistress’s pussy?”

This was either a statement or a question, depending on one's perspective.

I replied in the affirmative; the merest whisp of a thought that a large black cat was about to be introduced to the scene was immediately banished from my mind.

I was told to stand up and move a small chair/stool thingy to the centre of the room. It was too small to be a chair, but it had a back and appeared to be an upmarket commode. I placed the Mistress Commode in the middle of the floor. Mistress told me to lie down again, this time with my head under the commode, so that I could look up through the hole in the seat. We were getting somewhere.

It became apparent that Mistress was not wearing any knickers. She had probably been waiting for my gift and did not wish to sully her Mistress bottom with down market cheap knickers in the meantime. She lifted up her long dress and crouched down on the commode. My view of the approaching Mistress Cunt was short lived as it immediately became dark under the commode with her dress hanging around outside.

“You may lick me now, slave”, Mistress commanded.

I strained my head upwards and began to lick the protruding lips. Giving head is one of my favourite activities, but in this position it was difficult to get my tongue to the best spot. My neck began to ache.

“Are you pleased to be able to pleasure Mistress in this way?” she asked, distractedly.

“Mmff mmff”, I responded, not wishing to talk with my mouth full.

Mistress seemed to be enjoying the experience and began to squirm in the seat, making my task more difficult. As she responded to my ministrations, my cock began to harden, moving up the scale from ‘little useless winky’ to ‘half erect useless squashy todger’. Progress indeed.

Her squirming became more energetic and she emitted a short squeak. Either she had come, or she had noticed the time and needed to wind things up and get ready for the next session.

She stood up, nudged the Mistress Commode aside and gazed down imperiously at my unimpressive half erection.

“You may come now slave”, she commanded. I looked up, enquiringly.

“You can make yourself come in my presence”, she repeated.

One feeble wank later, I was out in the street and ready for new adventures.

Episode Four: Means to an end

Hazel’s curiosity was infectious. And she was not going to stop now.

A week later we were enjoying a prolonged session and the next barrier was crossed.

I was inside her and we were enjoying a good, conventional, missionary fuck. I looked lustfully down at her and she returned my gaze, unblinking.

“I’m going to finger-fuck your arse.”

It was a statement not a question. Her look was defiant and cheeky. She knew I couldn’t refuse and I knew she knew. I nodded.

She slowly put a finger to her mouth and licked it lasciviously. Her gaze was steady and a confident smile crossed her lips.

“Ready?”

“Yup”

Her slicked finger pressed down on my anus. I tried to relax and she slid inside. She kept sliding in and started to move it. Once the initial urge to squeeze had passed, it felt good. Very good.

My cock hardened perceptibly -it had been hard already - we were fucking after all, but Hazel's magic finger had an amazing effect. It was as though it was boring into the core of me. It was somehow inside my cock now, controlling it.

Her hand dictated my rhythm. I was moving at her insistence. I became her fuck-toy. Our eyes met again.

“Keep going for me Big Boy.”

I was powerless to refuse. Her orgasm was approaching and it was going to be a good one. Her finger was moving in me, just as if it could have been moving in her own cunt.

This was what sex should be. “If it’s not dirty, you’re not doing it right”, Woody Allen had said. Hazel was dirty and she was doing it right.

We came and collapsed. She removed her finger and looked at it, smirking.

“That was good; we’ll have to do it again.”

Episode Three: Giving to you

Hazel was fun. She was cheeky, quirky, sassy and up for anything. She was also horny and not afraid to tell you what she wanted. Life with her was never dull.

We had been together for about a month when she popped the question. We were just getting ready for bed and she was horsing around, teasing me with a strip-tease and wiggling her bum in my face.

"Have you ever fucked anyone in the arse?"

"No"

"Want to try?"

"Sure"

"I'm going to need another pillow."

She lay face down on the bed, the extra pillow carefully placed beneath her in order to thrust her bottom even more provocatively in the air. It was an appealing bottom, made all the more so by the thought of what I was about to do to it.

"Go and get the butter."

We had all seen 'Last Tango in Paris' by then. It had taken anal sex from being totally forbidden to being just, well, a bit forbidden. Something people wanted to try and were starting to talk about.

I got the butter.

All this organising had taken my mind off the job in hand.

"Let me see to that cock."

I obediently knelt down near her head and she teased me with a hand and tongue - I was soon up to the task.

"I'll put some butter on you, you put some in my crack."

"OK"

We were both soon slippery in the right places. I knelt down between her legs, placed my hands either side of her, bit her neck and started to slide my cock up and down the slippery valley.

It felt too good already. I had better get in or I would come all over her bum before we started.

I adjusted my position and placed my glans at her rosebud. It tickled and I started to push. She moaned and said, "Yes, now". The glans slipped inside and I paused. It felt cosy, tight and gripped me in a way I had never felt before. I pressed further. She relaxed and opened for me. The whole length was swiftly in and my balls nestled against her cunt. Her bottom was now pressing against my stomach with an arousing wobble. She had quite a large bum but now it was exactly right. I started to thrust in and out, slowly at first. The tightness was almost too much.

"Rub my clit."

I moved a hand beneath her and slipped a finger between her lips and started to massage the button. Her arms were out wide and lay on the bed pointing at the headboard. She surrendered to me.

The pleasure was exquisite, but with a twitching cock and my body propped on one arm, how long could I hold out?

Her moans quickened. "Yes, Yes, harder, don't stop, ooooohhh, yes , doit, doit, doit."

This was it. I came. She came. We both came.

My cock subsided and as I leaned back, it squished out. She moaned again.

"Amazing!"

"Was that good for you? What was it like?"

"Yeah, it was OK. A bit like having a really big shit actually!"

Episode Two: Something new

My teenage years were full of fun and heartache. First girlfriend. Parties. The usual stuff. Vanilla, but all new and exciting at that age. I was not aware of any kinky leanings, but then almost anything seemed kinky and forbidden. I had the same adolescence as everyone else. So let us move on to the twenties.

I had been good friends with Chris since early in secondary school. He had a good brain and we used to enjoy arguing about politics and the meaning of life. Later on we were members of a small group who started the school's debating society. As puberty kicked in the development of the obvious charms of the girls in our co-ed school turned our hormones into overdrive. Who would be the first to score? Who would be the first to try to score? Chris was one of our gang - he seemed just like the rest of us.

He lived in a village out of town; the bus service was poor and his family didn't have a car. This made his absence from school dances understandable at first. But I began to wonder...

We all left school and most of us left home. Chris went off to college in Leeds. We met for a drink at Christmas and exchanged the occasional note. A couple of us hitch-hiked over to Leeds to stay with him and another pal who had also ended up in Leeds. I slept on his floor in a hall of residence. It was then that he told me he was gay. He knew I was straight, but he also told me he had always fancied me. A small seed had been planted.

A couple of years after that we met up again in London. He contacted me because he had a job interview so I said he could crash at my place. I was between girlfriends at the time. I was sharing my first London flat with a college friend and we had two single beds in one bedroom. This worked out OK because my flat mate was really living with his girlfriend and only dropped by two or three times a week to pick up clothes.

This set the scene for my encounter with Chris. We spent the evening in our local pub - just a couple of drinks and catching up with events. We strolled back to the flat, had a coffee and prepared for bed. I had been thinking about Chris's gayness and was curious. And he knew I was. He had a fit, lean body, a firm jawline, cheeky grin and piercing eyes. Cliche looks that would have served him well with women, if he had been attracted to them. I kept thinking about what men do in bed together - anal sex. The thought sent chills through me. I was not ready for that.

He had told me he still fancied me. He also told me that guys didn't necessarily have to fuck. He was reeling me in and he knew it.

I turned the main light off, Chris stripped and got into bed. I undressed more slowly. My stomach was somewhere else. I was experiencing a weird combination of terror and intense arousal. My cock was twitching and sprang up as I removed my pants. My body was telling me something that my brain did not feel quite ready for. I slipped straight under the covers and moved my hand up to Chris's face.

His stubbly chin felt strange. We kissed and the strangeness began to subside. He was a good kisser. We moved closer and our hard cocks nudged together - a kind of friendly hello. It felt good and I began to relax. I was now eager to discover how another man's body would respond to me. I caressed his chest - it was an unfamiliar experience, moving my hand across firm ribs with no fleshy tits to fondle and nibble.

We broke off from our kiss and I moved my mouth down his body. I wanted to taste him. I licked a line along his downy stomach from navel to groin and nuzzled his cock. I slipped the glans into my mouth and swirled my tongue around. He moaned. He tasted salty and felt good in my mouth. My hand cupped his balls, tickled his perineum and I began to wank him into my mouth. Another cock like mine. It was familiar and forbidden at the same time. He moaned again as my ministrations had their desired effect. He throbbed and came in my mouth. I tasted, savoured and swallowed. I had crossed another barrier.

We rearranged ourselves and kissed again. He began to wank me with an instinctive expertise. I lay back and enjoyed. I came and we embraced again, the sticky semen glueing our stomachs together. Our cocks had subsided but it still seemed good to feel them nudge together.

It was to be a long time before I tasted a cock again...

Intermission: Heaven is in your mind

You will believe a man can fly

I went flying again last night
Over the rooftops in my P A I N
The pegs viciously bit my nipples
My cock twitched and throbbed
One touch from your switch on my cock or thighs would have taken me over the edge
My hands could have done it
But they did not
I am waiting for my Mistress
I know she will have ways of hurting me that I cannot even begin to imagine.


Do not stop

Do not stop if I scream or moan
My wordless sounds are are my tribute as you torture me
Soon the gag will obliterate even this reminder of my worthlessness
And only my terrified eyes will beg you to hit me again.


Craving

I crave pain from you
More than an orgasm
It is more intense
And only you can tell how long it will last.


Piss

My eager tongue probes your rosebud arsehole
Sliding into your rectum and spearing your soul
My cock lies twitching, ignored
Your warm piss flows over my face and into my mouth
As your fingers tweak and savage my desperate nipples

Episode One: Feeling good

As this is the first post, I should kick off by saying that this is the first chapter in an exploration into my journey into kink. I have taken a long time to get here and there have been interesting experiences along the way. I have decided to share some of them with you.

It is spring, moonless night in the small town, starless and bible-black, the cobblestreets silent and the hunched,courters'-and-rabbits' wood limping invisible down to thesloeblack, slow, black, crowblack, fishingboatbobbing sea.

Enough of that. Lets just say we start our journey in Wales. I must have been ten or eleven when I had my first orgasm and of course it was a memorable experience.

I had been having spontaneous erections for some time, like most boys, but had no idea what they were for or what I could do with them. I remember sitting in the bath one day, looking at my erection. I asked my Mother if all boys/men experienced this strange phenomenon.

"I don't know", she said, "I'll ask your Father".

A few days later she told me that yes, it had indeed happened to him as well. (She probably knew all along!)

Soon after that I learned about sex and how babies are made. The reason for the erection then became apparent. I began to wonder at my Mother's naivety.

Some time later I was lying in bed, on my back, nursing my spontaneous erection and thinking about hospitals. I imagined that I was about to undergo a medical procedure. I therefore unbuttoned my pyjama jacket, exposing my chest and rolled down the trousers to my knees. I then felt deliciously vulnerable and exposed. In my mind's eye I could see a cluster of doctors and nurses around the bed, getting ready to do whatever it was they had to do. My erection quietly pointed upwards.

For some reason I began to raise the sheets and blankets from my body and let them slowly fall. The tent of air I created acted as a cushion and the sheets subsided slowly with a swoosh as they fell and brushed against my cock. I found this very pleasant, so I did it again. I repeated this action several times and was eventually surprised to feel my cock throb in a very exciting way.

I knew at once that this was an orgasm and I also knew instantly that I must be the first person in history to ever have one without a sexual partner being present. I knew that two people, a man and a women were required to make babies. And obviously orgasms could only happen when the man put his willy in the woman. My orgasm must be unique. I had done this by myself without a woman present. This was a momentous occasion.

I also knew that sperm came out of the penis at orgasm so I must have made some. I had no idea what sperm was like though. Where were they? My orgasm was completely dry. I did not even know that it should have been wet. I looked on my stomach, near my penis for evidence of the sperm. I found what appeared to be a small piece of fluff. I examined it carefully and placed it in my pyjama pocket. My first sperm! I must treasure it.

I moved on to discover many other interesting methods of masturbation and pretty soon real come appeared but I remained convinced for a long time that I was the only person who could do this. What if someone found out? What if everyone found out? There would be no more babies and the human race would die out. People would stay indoors all day and masturbate with no time for socialising. There would be no need for them to go anywhere. This could be a disaster. It was my duty to the human race to keep quiet about my discovery.

I now wonder whether the fact that my first orgasm was not accompanied by a conventional fantasy has had any bearing on my future sexual direction. Probably not, but who can say?